Before His Time
by lovelesslybeloved
Summary: Lovino is sick and somehow he just wants someone who doesn't know about it. Spamano, oneshot, Hospital AU.


A cough racked through a rough body and blood spattered a bit on his hand as he pulled it back. A weary look crossed his face as a nurse approached and handed him a cloth to clear his face and hands off. After he finished the nurse deposited the cloth in the biohazard waste can. Lovino pulled his breathing mask back down and pulled in a deep clean breath. His chest ached as he relaxed back onto the bed. Today was certainly a bad day as far as Lovino was concerned, though his days were all pretty bad recently. His amber eyes drift close as the nurse left his room quietly. It was always quiet here except for those painful coughs and those damned beeping machines and all the other coughs and groans and painful cries of people. Lovino winced about the thought recalling the woman down the hallway who lost her battle with cancer.  
A nurse knocked softly at his room and his eyes opened and flickered to her. "Yea?" he called as he sat up a bit more. He pulled his breathing mask off and hung it beside his bed. The nurse came in, a surgical mask in place as usual for most of the staff that entered his containment room. Stainless steal, anti-bacterial this and disease spreading prevention this. Lovino winced again at how his life had been dealt. It didn't matter. At least it was he, and not Feliciano.

The nurse came over and looked happy under the mask at least to Lovino she seemed happy. "There is a new volunteer for this wing and he'd like to come meet you if you'll let him."

Lovino looked at her and then looked at the curtained glass walls to give him privacy from the main hallway where the others walked. He glanced back to her and looked down at his hands tightening on the blanket. "Does….does he know?" he asked careful to avoid those certain words that made his stomach roll even though he'd been dealing with this for over three years now.

The nurse shook her head pleasantly enough. "You know we don't give out the conditions of our patients to volunteers." She explained softly to him as she came over and gently placed her hand over his. She wore gloves to prevent the spread of him to her or anyone else. There was a mid-room between his room and the outside world for people to de-contaminant themselves of him. What would it be like to meet with someone who didn't know of him? Just had to be careful, wear the masks, no touching, gloves anyway. Lovino looked up at the nurse and nodded. "Not in here though. I'll only meet with him outside of here. If I don't want to meet with him, he doesn't come in here okay?"

The nurse smiled softly at the Italian boy in the bed. She had only been here a year, and only with Lovino Vargas for three months but she had heard all about how he won't let his brother visit, won't risk his brother's health to see him. The rest of his family is dead and to that effect there was no one else for the young man stuck in the ITU, the Intensive Treatment Unit. Probably would be until his untimely…

The nurse nodded and lifted some papers she had brought in. "I thought you might agree and already had your doctor fill out the papers. Just sign here and we'll arrange it for you!" she smiled and handed Lovino one of the disposable pens from the hospital; Likely to be thrown in the biohazard chute in that mid-room but for once Lovi didn't mind. He signed the documents and initialed here, put a date there whatever; dates didn't even matter when every day was exactly the same. Lovi handed the sheets back and the nurse vacuumed the documents into a sealed bag. She nodded to him and moved to leave the room quickly. "W-wait!" he gasped out the oxygen moved too quickly and spurred another coughing fit; more blood and another tissue to wipe it away. Lovino pulled his oxygen mask up again to get some more air to his straining lungs. Once Lovino was settled again he looked to her. "When does he come? When can I see him?" Lovino gasped softly.

The nurse smiled and tapped the sheets. "You didn't actually read but it says right here. You'll meet for two hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If you feel up to it three hours on Sunday evening over dinner."

Lovino nodded, "Will it start tomorrow? Tomorrow is Wednesday" Lovino asked carefully looking up to her.  
"Yes if you agree to meet him as you stated, if you don't feel up to it you don't have to meet with him." The nurse reminded Lovino of his own agreements to the documents he signed.

He nodded and laid back. The nurse turned to leave again and paused before slipping out of the room. "Amelia will be in, in a while to give you your evening treatments." Lovino nodded and the nurse slipped out the door without another word.

Another shot that would have no affect. His illness wasn't going to go away that easily.

The next morning Lovino woke with a coughing fit, blood sputtered over his hospital gown and blankets, his hand not getting to his mouth fast enough to cover the mess. As he hacked up more, some of it slipped down to his other pipe and he choked a bit sputtering worse. A nurse rushed faster in the mid-room but Lovino fell back on the bed finally on the recover as the nurse entered. "Mr. Vargas, are you alright?" she asked checking his vitals first then working to clean him up.

"Yea I just need a moment, stop! Stop!" he gasped pushing her hands away as he grabbed his mask and breathed in for a few moments. The nurse stood by patiently and waited for him to calm down. He nodded after a few good pulls from the mask and looked at her.

"Sorry I just… it was hard to breath." He murmured and pulled the mask off and hooked it to his bed again. She nodded understandingly.  
"Well I was supposed to help you get ready for today. You're meeting with the new volunteer today right? You feel up to it even though you had a rough morning?" the nurse asked.

Lovino sat up again and nodded slowly. "Yea I want to. Can I shower?" he asked and the nurse nodded agreeably enough.

Lovino swung his thin legs over his bed, inches from the ground. Boney knobs stuck out at his knees and ankles, protruding awkwardly. His hands moved and rubbed the skin over his gawky left knee softly, too hard and he might bruise the skin there. Since coming here three years ago his weight had dropped off from the illness. He had lost his appetite and though he ate what he could, if he ate too much however it'd all come back up and he'd be worse off for the effort. As an effect he lost a considerable amount of weight, and now he was mostly skin and bones. Physical therapy helped but he was limited in what he could do. Got too winded and a coughing attack would have him bed ridden for the day. He grabbed the nurse's hands as she came to stand before him and help him up from the bed to his own feet. He stood there for a moment as his body settled his weight on his legs. It took a moment but he nodded and released her hands as he stood on his own; the first time this week if he recalled. He shuffled his feet along to the mid-room where a make shift shower had been set up and fresh clothes set out for him. There were gloves and masks, an air tank for him if he needed it, most likely he'd he hooked to it the whole day. There were little boots for him to walk around in, good tread but nothing that would cost the hospital too much if they needed to throw them out say after he wore them for the day.

The nurse moved into the mid-room and helped Lovino in. She pulled the curtains around the mid-room to allow for privacy and then assisted him in stripping down and getting in the shower. He rinsed off the blood first then set about actually cleaning up. The nurse had to help a lot as things became too much of an effort. He let his arms hang at his sides as she finished the shower for him and helped him out. Got a towel around his waist and then helped to sit him on the chair near by. He reached for the out stretched breathing mask she offered him as she prepped the rest of his things. Helped get him dressed as he breathed in the clean air. A bit of time later he was standing up again and fully dressed. Long sleeves, and long pants, the long sleeves cover the edge of his gloves and his long pants cover the edge of his boots. His breathing mask is replaced with a nasal cannula, the prongs irritated his nose but it was much more convenient then the full mask. This way he could also where the surgical mask over his nose and mouth to keep his germs to himself.

He held his arms out in a puff and looked to the nurse. "Well how do I look?" he asked a bit boldly to cover up how nervous he was. People always had the generic attitude towards all sick people but there was a sort of politeness that came from people who met with the ter- Lovino cut himself off with that. This volunteer didn't know about Lovi's condition and without that knowledge he could just treat Lovi like a common cold kind of deal. Lovino knew that, that kind of treatment was exactly what he needed at this stage of his illness.

The nurse opened the mid door to the outside world after disposing of the contaminated materials. A wheel chair sat just outside with another smiling nurse, this time without a mask. It was refreshing to see a smiling woman, no mask. Lovino smiled and slid down into the chair. The nurse who had helped him in the mid-room hooked up his air tank to the chair so it'd be with him. Then waved him off as the nurse wheeled him to the cafeteria. He use to go here himself when he first came to live at the hospital but after a while the trip became too much effort and he'd preferred to stay in his room to eat. To avoid awkward looks mostly but also because he didn't want to get close to anyone here.

The wheel chair came to a stop by a table and the nurse leaned into his view. "I'm going to get you some food okay? Do you feel up to eating?" she asked softly. Lovino looked at the line and shook his head. "Just some milk? Or juice?" he asked carefully.

He didn't want to risk eating and throwing it up and not being able to meet the volunteer. He frowned as he thought of the volunteer and how he knew nothing about him. That lack of knowledge upset him, which he was placing so much hope in a man whose name he didn't even know.

"Wait" he paused the nurse as she went to get him the drink. "What…what is the volunteer's name?" he asked quietly.

"My name is Antonio!" a voice called from behind him and quickly a face appeared before Lovino.

Lovino startled back and frowned hard trying to recover from the cough quickly and with little incident. The nurse paused a moment as Antonio hovered a moment as well. When Lovi waved the nurse off and sat back breathing through his nose clearly, the nurse nodded and moved to get the drink while Antonio sat down on the bench beside the wheel chair.

"Hello sorry I startled you the first time. My name is Antonio and I'm the volunteer that'll meet with you!" he grinned happily.

Lovino was wide eyed watching the other man beside him. His skin was tinted dark, and his hair was even darker but somehow wasn't black. However his eyes were striking, bright vibrant green, they were the most beautiful feature about save for his smile that seemed to be ever in place. Antonio asked him something and Lovino had to focus on the man and have him repeat whatever he asked.

"What's your name?" Antonio asked cheerfully enough. Lovino nodded slowly and responded, "My name is Lovino." He murmured and purposely left out his last name. Articles had been written about him shortly after his diagnosis as a rare form of…Lovi's eyes lost focus for a moment but he shook his head and came back to the conversation.

"Lovino? That's Italian right? Can I call you Lovi instead?" Antonio asked leaning on the table, his arms coming up to support him a little more comfortably.

"Whatever" Lovino mumbled glancing away, Feliciano used to call him Lovi and it was odd to hear someone else now wishing to call him that. It took a moment but after the thought struck him he was glad that Antonio was calling him that. It made him feel like he wasn't as sick as he was.

"What do you like to do for fun Lovi?" Antonio asked as the nurse came back and set down the juice in front of him, orange juice with a straw.

Lovino reached forward and took the orange juice, slipped the straw up under his mask to drink some of it. It made him feel a bit more normal to be drinking something in the cafeteria. However he had no way to answer Antonio's question. When one was stuck in the ITU you really didn't have fun. He kind of spent most of his time simply trying to survive. That alone was merely exhausting for Lovino. He chewed at his lip and considered for a moment what he would do if he wasn't so tired all the time or coughing up blood. "I ah…I read…and paint." He mumbled. "Not so much paint anymore but I read." Lovino mumbled glancing away and then peaking at the other man.

"Oh you paint!? That's so incredible!" Antonio grinned. "I can't do anything so cool like that! I can just play a little guitar and sing but painting…that's a real talent!" Antonio smiled happily sitting up a bit.

"Would you paint something for me sometime?...if you feel up to it you know?" Antonio asked a bit embarrassed at the request.

Lovino looked at Antonio a bit annoyed, "I don't paint anymore. I'm sick right now."

"Oh….Oh yes of course!" Antonio murmured looked away a bit ashamed.

The atmosphere got awkward and for a moment Lovino wondered if this was even worth it. To get up and get ready in the mornings when he could sleep in and relax. Then Antonio smiled at him again and Lovino felt it, deep down to his bones that creaked when he moved sometimes that Antonio knew he was sick but didn't know he was sick, sick. That was what made this man worth this.

"Perhaps if I feel up to it some day I'll paint something.." he murmured peaking up at Antonio through eye lashes.

Antonio perked up at that and nodded eagerly, "Yes please that would be so awesome!"

Lovino couldn't help the little perk of a smile on his face and was for once glad to know that it was hidden away. Knowing this guy he'd get way too excited to see something like a smile from Lovino.

Antonio stood up then and Lovino's eyes flashed to the clock anxiously. It wasn't time up already was it? When did he arrive? How could it have been two hours already?  
"I'm going to the restroom Lovi relax! Or do you have to go too?" Antonio asked smiling.

Lovino shook his head quickly and sat back in his wheel chair.

Antonio nodded pleasantly and moved away a moment. "Be right back" he grinned and dashed off.

Lovino sat back in the chair, more slumped this time, discouraged. The nurse sat down near him with a smile on her face. "You like him, at least you have an interest in him." She mumbled. "I haven't seen you so expressive since the first year you were here."

Lovino looked over at her and rolled his eyes. "Its…refreshing to be around someone who doesn't know…" he mumbled and trailed off the sentence. He could accept his fate without needing to say it.

"Right I understand. I'm sorry the other nurses and I can't do that for you. We can be happy around you but we still know and that does affect how we act around you. However….You know at some point you'll need to tell him. He has a right to know your condition. It might change the contract of his volunteering." The nurse explained and Lovino shook his head quickly.

"Not right away please? Can't I just do this for a while?" he asked looking down at the way the fabric of his pants covered his knobby knees and the way that his hands folded tightly in his lap.

"Do what for a while?" Antonio asked as he returned. He had a puzzled smile on his face as he sat back down beside Lovino.

Lovino shook his head dismissing it. "Nothing, don't worry about it."

Antonio nodded well enough and returned to his pointless chatter. At the end of the two-hour session Lovino learned that Antonio was a single man, at twenty-four, only a few years older then Lovino, and that he loved music and the arts. He has a pet turtle at home, he had asked if Lovino wanted to see it but the nurse disapproved of the idea before it could even spark an interest in Lovino. Antonio's favorite color was green and he didn't particularly have a favorite number. He decided to volunteer because he wanted to make people happy and for now this was the best way for him to do that. He explained that smiles and laughter were the best medicine that he knew of and cured almost everything.

Lovino desperately wished that smiles and laughter were enough to cure him.

The rest of the day Lovino laid around his room. The wheel chair was away being disinfected, his clothes had been thrown in the biohazard chute to be burned, his oxygen tank and his nasal cannula sat in the corner by the door, freshly restocked with oxygen for him on Friday if he wanted to go.

Lovino rolled to his side and almost regretted it instantly. Another fit of coughs, blood dripped from between his fingers and for a moment as he coughed, Lovino didn't see the end in sight. He felt like he would cough till his lungs burst. There was so much pain. A nurse came in and injected something in his IV drip, usually he didn't have one but with all the excitement that morning they had put one on him when he got back to his room. The coughing didn't stop with it but his body relaxed a bit and eventually his coughing ceased. He fell back on the bed, his arm loose on his lap. The nurse picked it up and cleaned it off. Tears streaked down his face. She pulled a chair up near by and cleared the tears away.

"Shhh its okay now." She mumbled.

Lovino shook his head slowly. "I was scared for a minute there. I'd never stop coughing. That I would cough and cough till my lungs burst." Lovino closed his eyes and the nurse shushed him some more till he fell asleep.

Lovino had long ago stopped dreaming since arriving at the hospital. Lovino wouldn't consider the pair of green eyes he saw when he closed his eyes and slept a dream either but they comforted him and he slept well for once. He slept all through the rest of Wednesday and late into the day on Thursday. The nurses coming with treatments and tests didn't even bother him or wake him as he slept. Thursday night near dinnertime he woke up groggy and disoriented. A nurse came as quickly as she could when he called. She caught him up on what was going on. Lovino nodded at the information, none of it good. Results from tests they had done last week had proved that things were not going well. More tests needed to be done. Lovino nodded and rolled over away from the nurse. She bowed her head and left quietly from him. He stayed quiet the rest of the evening and fell asleep again around ten thirty.

The next morning Lovino woke up, not to a coughing fit but from a nurse politely inquiring if he wanted to meet with Antonio. Lovino wanted to but it was so much effort to get up and get ready. The nurse considered for a moment then asked if he'd like for Antonio to come in the room. Lovino shot up in protest only to double over in a coughing fit again, hacking up more blood. The nurse eased him as best she could and cleaned him up once he was finished. He breathed from the mask she handed him and once he was well enough he looked to the door exhausted. "I'll go." He mumbled and swung his legs out again.

Much of the same from Wednesday, a shower to clean him off, fresh clothes, disposable clothes, his oxygen tank, an IV line this time, and a blanket over his lap. Gloves over his hands as usual and then he was ready to go. A nurse, different from the last meeting, wheeled him to a private meeting room. Comfortable looking couches, soft carpet, windows outside a TV in the corner and a book case beside it. It was a typical meeting room for families or sometimes when the hospital was crowded they used it as a waiting room. It served its needs and Antonio sat on one of the couches flipping through the old magazines as he waited. Lovino slid it to the room tightly. He glanced around and even Antonio had to admit he looked tired.

"Lovi if you weren't feeling up to meeting with me you didn't have to. Or I could have come to you." Antonio offered as he stood up and greeted Lovino.  
Lovino shook his head quickly in disagreement. "N-no its okay. I'm fine." He mumbled and peaked up at Antonio again.

Antonio considered for a moment till his smile spread across his face again and Lovino eased in his wheel chair again. "I'm glad you're feeling well. I thought maybe I could hear some about you today?" Antonio asked as he eased into the couch again near Lovino.

Lovino glanced away and considered a moment. He'd have to pick and choose the information but he could tell Antonio a bit couldn't he? "I have a brother. His name is Feliciano. He has this weird ass boyfriend, super stiff I can barely stand them. I don't let them visit me right now though. They upset me when they visit." Lovino murmured looking out the window. It was sunny but Lovino knew it certainly wasn't warm despite that cheerful sun.

"I've been in the hospital for three years now. I'm sick but they keep doing tests and giving me medicine." Lovino let it end there.

"My brother paints too, better then I do. And he can sing and dance. He is a lot more creative then I am." Lovino moved back to his brother.

He described Feli and all he could do. How everyone loved him more and really none of their friends visited, even before Lovino forbid it, because they really didn't care about Lovino. Their friends visited Feli. Poor Feli his brother is sick. Lovino didn't even notice when his hand tightened up.

Antonio cleared his throat anxiously and interrupted Lovino. "I'm sorry to interrupt you but…I'm sure your brother is wonderful but I asked about you Lovi." Antonio explained.

Lovino looked at Antonio startled. "Me? Ah…..Um…I'm not that interesting. I don't really do anything anymore. I'm sick." Lovino explained looking down and pulling at the gloves on his hands.

Antonio put on a face akin to thinking and consideration. "Well yea I know you're sick…."Antonio began and a moment of panic rushed through Lovino that Antonio knew, even though he didn't know everything. "I think you could still do some things. You could still paint or craft. I think you'd enjoy this neat little craft if I taught it to you. Would you like to learn?" Antonio asked cheerfully again.

Lovino looked at Antonio for a long moment and noticed how happy he seemed at the thought of showing Lovino how to do something. Lovino glanced away and nodded. "Fine you can teach me this craft but don't get too disheartened if I don't do it right…I'm not very good at anything." Lovino explained keeping his eyes adverted.

"Nonsense! I'm sure you'll do great! I'll arrange it for after our dinner on Sunday! If…If you'll meet with me then!" Antonio gave an unsure smile that Lovino caught and nodded slowly in return of it.

They spent the rest of the time with Antonio talking about some new television shows he watched the other night, most just filler noise between them as Lovino listened. He didn't like to talk too much, it bothered his breathing but he loved to listen to Antonio speak. He wondered if Antonio sounded better when he sang. Maybe Antonio would sing for him someday.

At the end of the meeting Antonio waved goodbye as Lovino was wheeled away. They took the round about method so Antonio wouldn't know and Lovino was grateful to the nurse. Finally they were back in the mid-room. A new gown was placed and all the other infected articles were disposed of and placed away. Lovino was helped back to his bed where he laid down exhausted. How did people live? It was exhausting and truthfully what Lovino was doing now was only halfway living.

Lovino had testing the next day and when he woke up he next day he felt sick. He was wheeled around room-to-room, blood taken, bone marrow, biopsies, and fluid samples. Lovino was delivered back to his room just after dinnertime and could have passed out there. He grabbed his mask and pulled it on over his head effortlessly. He breathed in and out, half out of it. The IV still hadn't been removed and the bag dripped lazily into his tube. He watched it disinterestedly for a while before he rolled away and closed his eyes. He was tired.

He awoke the next morning to a nurse giving him his shot into his IV.

"Can't we take that out?" he asked softly watching the needle remove from the tubing.

"MM I'm afraid not your condition isn't getting worse but you're loosing more weight and we need to make sure you keep up your strength." The nurse explained. It was the polite way of explaining that they needed his strength for more tests. To figure out a way to help others who'd come about with this same sickness. Lovino frowned but nodded anyway laying on his back.

The nurse left and another came and left hours later, finally a nurse came in to help get him ready close to dinnertime. He moved to slide off the bed and moved too fast. A coughing fit hit him and he fell off the bed. His bones didn't hold the weight this time and when he fell, his leg snapped in two. Lovino screamed loud from the pain, and his scream reverberated around the room and repeated over and over. Tears streamed down his face as he struggled to control his breathing and manage the pain simultaneously. His hands hovered over his leg as the nurse came over to assist. She brought his breathing mask and slid it over first; another coughing fit wouldn't help this situation.

More nurses came in and helped him into a wheel chair to take him to x-ray. They had to see the break before they could simply cast it. He went through x-ray as quick as possible. Of course they had to do everything they did when they took him out of the room, fresh clothes and masks and gloves and everything to move him in the outside world. Tears wouldn't stop falling as they wheeled him through the hospital. Two hours later he was on his way back to his room. A large heavy cast on his leg. He was exhausted and sat slumped in the wheel chair. In fact he might have fallen asleep if he hadn't heard that voice.  
"Lovino?" Antonio had paused around a corner to take a second glance at Lovino. Lovino tried to sit back up, be more alert but it wasn't happening. He was too weak; the cast was too heavy and weighted him down in the chair.

"'Tonio…" Lovino gasped out and reached a gloved hand out.

Antonio rushed towards the wheel chair and almost slipped once but came to a halt by the chair on his knees. Antonio grabbed that gloved hand firmly. At one touch, Antonio knew how feeble Lovino was and loosened his hold on Lovino without completely releasing the sick man. Lovino looked up at Antonio and looked utterly exhausted, worse than their last meeting.

"They told me you had, had an accident while getting ready to come see me. I'm sorry you got hurt, is it broken?" Antonio asked looking at the cast.

Lovino nodded it was really all he could do at that point. He felt better holding Antonio's hand. His firm hold reminded Lovino he was still there.

"Well you know what friends are suppose to do when they have a cast right? Can I sign your cast Lovi? I'll write nice feel better things." Antonio asked gently resting his hand on Lovi's cast.

Lovino looked up at his nurse and when she nodded he nodded in return to the volunteer. He grinned and pulled out a marker from one of his pockets. Lovino would have laughed if he could. Did the idiot just carry around a marker for this? Antonio bent down over the cast and gently rested it on his knee while he wrote. He would pause a moment here or there and then when he finished a huge grin spread over his face as he looked up at Lovino.

"It says, hope this heals up super fast, Fsososososo! Antonio!" the man couldn't help but peak back down at the cast as he read from it. "That's a feel better spell my mama taught me!" Antonio smiled brighter as he eased Lovino's cast back down on the leg of the wheel chair.

Lovino couldn't help the smile that slid on his face underneath his masks. He wondered what Antonio would do if he saw the smile. Lovino reached up with a shaky hand and pulled the surgical mask away to reveal the oxygen mask he was wearing. Antonio looked a bit startled but said nothing as Lovino slowly gave a weak but genuine smile to the volunteer. Antonio had wide eyes as he fell back and watched Lovino's face. The nurse came down as Lovino's hand fell away and his eyes began to space out.

"He needs to return to his room now." She said softly helping to put his mask back in place over the oxygen mask. Antonio nodded numbly watching Lovino be wheeled away.

Antonio couldn't really recall a time when he thought of someone like Lovino as gorgeous. That little smile enticed Antonio though. Made his reconsider how he felt about life and the people around him. Lovi was gorgeous with a smile. It made Antonio sad to think he had to spend his life hiding it away behind a mask.

Lovino missed the session with Antonio on Monday as well. He was too tired and too weak to move from his bed and still refused to allow Antonio into his room. Lovino rested for three and a half days. Wednesday morning he felt well enough to try and get up to go see Antonio. Two nurses attended him and helped him up and into a wheel chair to the mid-room. They cleaned him up and got him set up into a wheel chair on the other side of the mid-room, in the outside world. It exhausted Lovino all over again just to go through that process but he had to believe that Antonio was worth it.

This wheel chair squeaked as he was rolled to the visiting room. It looked much the same as the last room he saw Antonio in. Much the same as last time, Antonio sat on a couch reading an outdated magazine. He jumped up when he saw Lovino coming in the room.

"Lovi!" Antonio said and rushed forward to walk beside him as he was wheeled into the room and settled near the window. A cushion was set up under his leg and a blanket one of the nurses had carried was thrown over his lap again. He nodded to them and they went to sit just outside the room.

"Hi Antonio" Lovi coughed hoarsely. The broken leg had not helped his condition and he seemed worse then when Antonio had seen him last.  
"Aw call me Tonio like you did last time!" Antonio pouted happily as he sat down across from Lovino.

Lovino shook his head. "I didn't call you 'Tonio' I called you Antonio, you just couldn't hear the 'An'." Lovino clarified weakly. His throat felt hoarse and his voice just didn't carry as well. It didn't seem to matter to Antonio. He merely leaned in and focused more on him.

"Well you could still call me Tonio if you wanted…" Antonio said and sat back with a smile. "You had me worried there Lovi. I was really scared about your accident. I feel better knowing it was nothing more serious than a broken leg." Antonio mumbled folding his hands in his lap nervously.

Lovino wanted to tell Antonio that it was much worse then a broken leg. With Lovino's leg out of commission Lovino could no longer exercise and even with just the few days with the cast Lovino was loosing weight and muscle mass faster and faster. He looked thinner already and it made him feel weaker. He couldn't even walk from his bed to the mid-room as he could have the first few sessions he had had with Antonio. Lovino looked down at the heavy cast and then glanced up to Antonio's eyes and they seemed so happy and hopeful. So hopeful that Lovino would recover someday. Get out of this wheel chair, out of his special room and out of this hospital. He wouldn't though.

Lovino looked up at Antonio with a much more serious look then he had meant to and Antonio winced a bit. "It's a bit more serious then a broken leg huh?" Antonio asked softly.

Lovino nodded slowly and opened his mouth before a coughing fit took him hard. His hand few up to cover his face as he coughed hard; Antonio helped him the best he could, hands moving to pat his back and offering water. Lovino shook his head as the coughing eased and he fell back to the chair. He didn't quite realize it fast enough but when his hands had flown up to cover his mouth he had pulled the mask down. Red splattered over his oxygen mask in a morbid painting that ruined every thing Lovino had worked hard to hide from Antonio.

Antonio sat beside Lovino with eyes wide and scared. He backed away slightly and looked at the door. "You…..you have T-"  
"Stop!" Lovino called quickly and loud enough that his voice hurt.

"Don't say it okay? Nurse? I want to go back." Lovino called to the women just outside the door. They heard his calls and came in to retrieve Lovino.  
"No wait Lovi.." Antonio shook his head nervously glancing about and moving to follow them.

"No you wait. I…I wanted a moment, a breath from people who knew nothing about what I had. You're ruined for me now Antonio. You'll look at me different now. You know about my time-span and it just isn't fair to you and it's not fair to me to keep this whatever we have between us going." Lovino said and just that small announcement had him huffing and puffing into his bloody mask.

Antonio shook his head quickly, "Please don't Lovi I know you're scared and hurt but please, I won't be any different around you! I want to get to know you even better. I want to be your friend and Lovi I care about you, I want to be around you for however long you have." Antonio pleaded as the nurses wheeled Lovino out of the room. Antonio followed them and walked beside Lovino quickly, leaned down to speak to him.

"I'm sorry I reacted badly to your coughing, to your condition. That wasn't fair to you but don't you think it's not fair to me to not let me have any say in whatever is between us?" Antonio asked and Lovino helped his hand up to stop the nurse's pushing. Lovino looked sharply at Antonio and anger boiled behind those eyes.

"Fair? Fair would be bad people getting shit diseases like this one? I've wasted away from my prime because of this disease. Some days I feel like I can't ever breath without a mask or tubes down my throat and its miserable and I hate my life. I fucking hate my life Antonio. I'm ready to die; any day now Antonio, any fucking day. " Lovino shook his head and tears threatened to build and spill down his face. As they were now the extra moisture stung his eyeballs painfully.

"Lovi its okay…I know..I know you hurt and this isn't fair at all but please…please I need to know more of you, everything about you. From your amber eyes that hide all the pain in the world, to this silly little curl that bounces a bit when you get happy or excited. Lovi I care about you more than I should. I'm invested for the good or the bad at this point. Even if you push me away I'll ask about you every day and I'll wait in that room for our meetings. Or I'll even come to your room! I'll wear whatever I have to! I'll get shots and vaccines. I just need to see you." Antonio asked and he looked every bit like a lost and hopeless child.

Lovino sighed and fell back in his chair again, exhausted. "Do what you want." He murmured weakly.

The nurse looked at Antonio and nodded with a bit of a wink. He brightened a bit and allowed Lovi to head away from him. He followed quietly behind so he'd know where Lovino's room was. There was silence the walk back save for their footsteps and Lovino's labored breathing through the mask. Lovino's room came up a while later and Antonio watched them go into a really small room that didn't even have a bed. A few moments later the nurse help up a finger and then pulled a curtain. Minutes passed then the nurse came back, opened the curtain, and then opened the door without Lovino.

"Hello Antonio, sorry he got so upset. Technically he did get a verbal allowance for you to visit him in his room so starting tomorrow you can come as a visitor if you'd like and then on the days you are assigned his volunteer you can come to his room. A nurse will always be near by simply for his needs now so one will be available to assist you in entering. You'll need to wear easy to change out of clothes when you'd like to come inside his room." The nurse explained gently to Antonio.

Antonio listened carefully as the nurse explained the rules and restrictions Antonio would have to follow to be allowed in to see Lovino plus the waivers and conditions he'd have to sign off on. Antonio agreed and promised to be back early the next day to sign everything.

Just as he had promised the next day he came in an hour before visiting hours started to fill out all the paper work to visit Lovino. Then he moved into the mid-room between the rest of the hospital and Lovino's room. A nurse accompanied him inside and prepped him. Took his clothes and had him change into disposable scrubs; then gloves over his hands and then two surgeon's masks over his face to protect him.

Finally Antonio was ready to go in. The nurse took him to the door and had him wait there while she went in to check on Lovino first. When she was finished she returned to Antonio and waved him in but not after first reminding him not to remove the masks or gloves. He nodded and in he went, super quiet.

He moved and sat on the chair beside the bed. Monitors beeps next to his ear and in that big bed laid a way too pale Lovino. Antonio never really noticed how pale Lovino was or how sick he really did look. Antonio frowned and wished he could help the boy. Unfortunately from the little Wikipedia information he had read about tuberculosis there wasn't much they could do but make him comfortable at this stage of the game. Antonio looked at the bruised arm that needles stuck out of uncomfortably. Wires stuck out of his hospital gown and led off this way and that. Tubes also ran here or there from the bed to bags or monitors.

In his attention to the details of Lovino's condition and the machines helping him live, he didn't notice Lovino stir and take notice of Antonio in his own way.

"Fucking moron what are you doing here?" he murmured and struggled to pull the blankets up over himself to cover more of the tubes and wires.

Antonio stood up and worked the blanket up more for Lovino, "I came to see you!" he replied cheerfully as he sat back down beside him and shifted the chair to look at the other male better.

"Is it Friday already?" Lovino asked looking around groggily.

Antonio shook his head quickly, "No no, I'm here as a visitor. Today is Thursday." Antonio smiled even though he knew that Lovino couldn't really see it.

"Get out. Go home. Forget about me." Lovino shook his own head and turned it away from Antonio.

Antonio tossed his head quickly in disagreement. "I will not. I want to see you Lovino, please let me? I want to be your friend I care about you!" Antonio pleaded.  
Lovino stayed quiet with his head turned away from Antonio for a long while till he finally glanced back, "Why do you care so much?" Lovino asked slowly peaking at Antonio.

Antonio considered a moment before he answered Lovino. "I don't know why but I like you. You fight so hard to keep things easy for the people you care about when we should be doing everything we can to make things easier for you. I think it's brave and noble and courageous. I think it says a lot about you, that you went out of your way to talk to me and meet with me while keeping away what was wrong with you. I think you get angry and lash out at people to keep them away so that…that…so they won't be sad later.." Antonio explained carefully.

Lovino listened and nodded carefully at the end. After a moment he looked away again and blew some air quickly. "As if. I'm mean because I'm sick and it sucks." He mumbled and turned back to Antonio. "I guess you can hang around just be careful alright? Not that I care but the nurses take a lot of time to get you ready to come in here and it'll be for nothing if you're stupid ass gets sick." He explained rolling his eyes and looking at his hands tightening hold of the blankets.  
Antonio grinned but nodded eagerly, "I'll be careful, promise!" he agreed.

For the next several hours Antonio and Lovino talked about things of little consequence. Antonio told Lovino about his family and Lovino listened mostly agreeable. After a bit Lovino talked a little about himself for once. How he liked tomatoes to eat the best and he enjoyed sunny days and beaches and good mafia movies. Antonio nodded smiling and before they knew it a nurse was coming in offering Antonio dinner and letting them know there was only about four more hours left for visiting time.

Antonio whined a bit pouting but he nodded agreeably since when he left Lovino could rest for the night. Lovino simply nodded and looked at his pale bony hands again.  
A half an hour later dinner was brought in, macaroni and cheese, hotdog, and Jell-O with a small carton of milk. Lovino barely ate any of the food and drank a little of the milk. It was all he really had the appetite for. Antonio ate his food and honestly was a little hungrier but he could grab something on the way home from the hospital. The thought struck him and he turned to Lovino quickly.

"Hey if I can get permission do you want food from somewhere? Like fast food or I can cook something and bring it in! Would that sound good? I bet you lost your appetite eating hospital food for three years!" Antonio laughed good-naturedly and Lovino considered for a bit.

"If you can get some pasta, good stuff like an old Italian recipe. That would be great." Lovino turned and smiled to Antonio tiredly.

Antonio nodded jumping up quickly. "You bet! I'm going to go now before the farmer's market closes and get fresh ingredients I'll bring it to you tomorrow for our meeting!" Antonio offered moving slowly towards the mid-room.

Lovino nodded and before Antonio was even out of the room Lovino was asleep.

Antonio made it to the market and bought the ingredients he believed he needed. He figured anything he might miss he could always pick up at a grocery store later. He rushed home and started cooking. He had just set the pot of water to boil after the sauce was nearly finished. His phone yet off and thinking nothing of it he picked it up cheerfully.

After a moment his face paled and he dropped the pack of pasta noodles and quickly turned the flames off on his stove and darted out the door without another thought.  
He was back to the hospital in record time of eight minutes but to Antonio it simply wasn't fast enough. He dashed up to Lovino's room and for once the curtains were pulled open and doctors were inside fighting to keep Lovino alive. Antonio's eyes widened and tears sprang down his face and his hands moved to the window hoping somehow he'd be able to keep Lovino alive if he were just a bit closer. He watched the heart monitor like it was monitoring his own life but slowly the heart rate wasn't picking up even after the defibrillator. Finally the doctor stepped back and glanced at the clock on the wall by the door to the mid-room. A Nurse in the back made note and then one of the white sheets was pulled up over his face though it wasn't so white anymore. It was splattered with more blood, presumably from the attack that brought about his heart failure.

Antonio sat on the floor completely unaware of the tears that were flowing from his eyes and soaking the chest of his shirt. It was so unfair that wonderful people were taken from the earth so much so before their time.


End file.
